Words June Murray Dagnall
As the school year grows distant in the rear view mirror, and families are slowing down, reconnecting, and making summer memories together, I am reminded of a story I read a few months ago with a very powerful message that stuck with me. An elementary school teacher asked her class to answer the question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The answer from one student left the teacher speechless and made me want to dive deeper into their answer. “When I grow up, I want to be a cell phone.” Please note that this child did not say they wanted to have a cell phone, and instead said they wanted to be a cell phone! This was a powerful signal from a child who obviously felt unseen or disconnected; to me it was a very honest and unsettling reflection of the times we live in.
Manners begin at home and children want to be held, looked at, listened to and engaged with – all the things we do with our cell phone!
These are examples of the connection we are losing while staying connected.
- Lack of eye contact. Children thrive on eye contact as it tells them “I see you, and you matter.”
- Delayed or distracted responses. Hearing the words “just a second …” again and again teaches children they are not
a priority. - Missed Moments. Little things to us are big things to a child – telling a funny story, performing a new dance move, or showing their drawing.
- Emotional Disconnection. Over time this can lead to acting out or withdrawing.
- Lead by Example. Children learn through imitation. Always seeing a phone in someone’s hand may result in believing this is what a relationship looks like – distant, distracted and divided.
- Replacing Conversation. At the table, in the car and at bedtime are all perfect opportunities for bonding and emotional check ins which can get lost due to scrolling or texting.
However, making small shifts can result in big impacts.
- Put the phone down when a child walks into the room
- Have phone-free meals, bedtime routines and special quiet time
- Look the child in the eye when they speak, and really listen.
Use your phone to capture precious memories with the phone camera, not replace them.
Cell phones are essential as they help us navigate life through communication, with safety, with productivity, with information access, and with entertainment and creativity.
Even more important are the little ones tugging at our sleeves, calling our names, or simply waiting to be noticed. The moments we have are now, as the giggles, questions, stories and sleepy bedtime chats slip away far too quickly. Your presence is the present they crave.
Of course, use the phone when needed; however, do not forget to look up. The moments that truly matter are looking right back at you.
