by Donna LaFleur –
A little over 10 years ago, I was in a motor vehicle accident and sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). My life ended, but I didn’t die.
I lost everything: myself, my memory, my sharp cognitive ability, friends, business, social and spiritual life, ability to look after myself on a daily basis … I could go on for pages. I was a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and businesswoman, but that was all gone or changed forever. Grief, fear, anger, confusion, anxiety, depression and pain were my new life.
I recall simple things about the early days: the inability to figure out how to do life’s necessities like brush my teeth or make a cup of tea; I would get in my car sometimes and have no idea what to do. I had to surrender my license for 1 ½ years; my brain wasn’t processing information fast enough to safely drive. I felt like I hit a brick wall just trying normal everyday activities. Going shopping immediately became something to which my injured brain said “NO I am not doing this!” It would shut me down for days, with no memory of anything.
An injured brain first takes all the energy it needs to heal, and what’s left over is minimal. It took me six years to figure out how to best use that tiny bit of energy. EVERYTHING was too loud, too bright or too fast. I still struggle with extreme neural fatigue, a pain I cannot describe adequately. PTSD and chronic pain/anxiety/panic also usually tag along with TBI. I spent five months at VGH outpatient having cognitive and physical therapy, then continued with intensive therapy for seven years. I re-learned how to do most things adequately; if you didn’t know me before, you’d have no idea of my disability. It’s a lonely world: unless someone has sustained a TBI, they have no way of truly understanding. “Hey, you look great!” people would say, not knowing that was the worst thing they could have said. I wished I had a horrific scar that showed people just how terrible it was to feel this way inside.
June is Brain Injury Awareness month, so I felt the time was right to share my story. Now 10 years after my TBI, I am fortunate to be celebrating our 38th wedding anniversary with my amazing husband Mike who unconditionally supports and cares for me. He suffered as much as I did, because he had to watch my struggle. Statistics indicate that seven of nine marriages where one person has TBI end in divorce. I am thankful for my daughter and her regular encouraging calls and visits from San Diego where she has a PhD Biological Anthropology and is a Professor at USD (proud mother!), and for my family and friends who have supported me, without knowing what to do. I couldn’t tell them what I needed, because I didn’t know myself. I have a special friend who also has a TBI and she helped me along the road to recovery and always encouraged me. If it weren’t for her, I may not be where I am today.
These days I spend my time enjoying gardening and preserving, painting, and being able to just chat with people without becoming overwhelmed. My daily household chores are what I now call my “job” – it gives me a bit of self esteem back. We also have a new little bundle of joy: an English bulldog puppy named India. My goal is to train her to be a therapy dog to help people who suffer as I have. I also hope to bring awareness of the devastation this invisible disability brings, and maybe to help someone else avoid this plight. It can happen to anyone in an instant.
For more information visit www.braininjurycanada.ca.
