by Laurie Salvador, Salvador Davis & Co. Notaries Public –
Fred was hospitalized after a stroke. Thankfully he is able to return home, but his mobility is not what it once was. He needs more time to process information and he doesn’t have the memory and energy he enjoyed as a young man. Fred has always looked after the finances. Fred’s wife, Edna, has always looked after the household but things have slowed down for her too with diabetes and associated nerve pain.
Their son, Tony, is very concerned, even though his parents insist they are fine and can look after themselves. Tony approaches this situation carefully, knowing his parents are fiercely independent. He increases how often he visits and slowly, taking one issue at a time, is able to arrange for things that will make their lives more comfortable. He picked up some aides at Mt. Newton Centre Society (a walker for his mom, a raised toilet seat, several bath bars, a pole beside the toilet and bed). He arranged for a fall detection bracelet through Phillips Life Line for both of his parents so if they should fall, an ambulance will be called automatically. Through Seniors Outreach he arranged for some home support (help with bathing and meal preparation). Tony is surprised how much time this all takes. He has to arrange for his parent’s utilities to be paid automatically at the bank and with Thrifty’s Sendial program for groceries to be ordered and delivered to their home (his mother doesn’t like the idea of someone else choosing her food, but she is getting friendly with the volunteer).
More importantly, Tony realizes he has to have some serious talks with his parents about the “what ifs.” What if one of them dies or is permanently incapacitated? They need to discuss it and decide where they would want to live if they could no longer live at home. This involves reviewing finances to see what they can afford and visiting various care residences to get a feel for what it would be like to live there. Perhaps Tony may be surprised to learn that his parents would prefer in-home care to a care residence, even if it means putting a reverse mortgage on their home.
All of this planning starts with the conversation and plenty of patience. For those who have older parents, if you have not already had this discussion, the time is now. Delaying will often mean that when an emergency arises there is no plan in place and people are frantically grasping for whatever services they can find.
Parents: the best gift you can give your family is to have a plan which includes:
• a properly prepared will;
• a power of attorney appointing someone to look after your affairs if you become incapacitated;
• a representation agreement appointing someone to help make decisions about your health care, where you would like to live if you cannot live at home; and
• a health care directive outlining your wishes for care you would want as you age including your wishes for end of life care.
Adult Children: the best thing you can do for an aging parent is to engage them in this process with all the care and grace you would want for yourself.
