Words Cassidy Nunn Photo Nunn Other Photography
“Mama, we forgot baby sister!!” my four-and-a-half-year-old daughter shouts from her car seat in the back of the car, her eyes wide with panic. My eyes instantly shift to my rearview mirror to check on the second car seat in the back seat. It’s empty. I sigh. Of course it’s empty – we just dropped her off at daycare! Even though my brain knows this, it still takes a moment to calm my racing heart, but the fact that her little sister’s absence caused my daughter so much worry comforted me in an odd way. The two were really beginning to form a sibling bond. “I miss her,” my daughter says, forming an exaggerated frown. She’s not being sarcastic and I do believe that in this moment, she truly misses her baby sister. “Can’t I go to daycare with her too?” she asks in a low, sad tone.
A mere half an hour earlier they had been squabbling in the living room, fighting over who got to wear one of MY slippers. Now that her baby sister is a full-blown toddler, running around stealing and using her toys, breaking into and breaking up her living room forts, and sometimes taking and wearing her clothes, the cacophony of screaming and crying from both of them can go on for ages. In the moment as a parent it can be so hard to know how much and when to intervene, how to stay fair, how to teach the skills of sharing and empathy, compassion and kindness. How to combat jealousy.
Sometimes they work it out on their own and eventually the tempers become subdued and the two will either play side by side, ignoring each other, or they’ll find their way into a shared game of sorts, with big sister explaining the rules of the game and baby sister following along behind her like an eager puppy. “I’m never going to play with you again, except right now!” I once heard big sister mutter under her breath as she set up an imaginary boat which she then proceeded to instruct baby sister to sit in and start rowing. Baby sister obliged her big sister’s wishes and the two sat, one behind the other, and sang Row Row Row Your Boat on repeat for a solid 10 minutes.
It’s become a daily rollercoaster of sibling emotions in our household and we’re all just along for the wild ride. But between the tense times, there are moments of extreme sweetness between the two. Big sister will often refer to her baby sister as sweetheart over and over again. She’ll frequently offer her baby sister some of her own food and carefully break it up into small pieces. The two of them will sit in the backseat of the car together and giggle uncontrollably while blowing raspberries back and forth at each other.
I have a sibling as well, a younger brother, and growing up we also rode the pendulum that swung between friends on and friends off. It wasn’t until we were adults that the sibling quarrels really subsided and the strength of our sibling bond shone through. I know not all sisters or siblings become the best of friends, only time will tell, but I’m enjoying watching my daughters’ relationship evolve and grow as their personalities continue to shine through.
The other day, while her little sister was napping, my elder daughter and I were at the kitchen counter prepping some food when she said, unprompted, “I’m happy having another friend in the house.”
“Oh,” I asked, “and who’s that?”
She sighed, as if I of course should know the answer … “Baby sister.”
