by Cassidy Nunn | photo by Nunn Other Photography –
“Is this really what you want to wear today?” I ask my daughter as she stands in front of me, sporting grey tights with patterned sprigs of lavender and a hot pink long-sleeved shirt underneath a neon green t-shirt with TAHITI splashed across the front. Blue socks with a red ladybug motif and a purple tie-dyed toque complete the ensemble. “Yep!” she says, and races out of her room. “What sweater?” I call after her, rifling through her sweater drawer and trying to see what, if anything, could match the clash of colours and patterns we’re currently dealing with. She shouts back: “The pink Canada one!” which is two sizes too big for her, but she insists on wearing every
single day.
The battles about what to wear began early with my daughter – probably back to when she wasn’t even a year old and I tried to put in a hair barrette to keep her bangs out of her face. She immediately pulled it out, clutched it in her little fist while studying it suspiciously from all angles. She then threw it vehemently onto the floor and gave me a cheeky grin. I retrieved the clip and tried again. Same result. We played this game for quite a while, neither of us wanting to give in, our stubborn natures showing through. She started to laugh and I could feel irritation creeping into my blood stream. I took a breath – not worth the battle, I decided, and put the hair clip aside with a sigh. Since then, trying to do anything with her hair has always been met with a struggle – hair bands? Nope. Cute pig tails? No. Ponytail? Hard no. Braids? Absolutely not. We’ve come to a tenuous agreement that wearing one hair clip to keep her bangs out of her face is acceptable, most of the time, as long as she can decide which hair clip it is. “Maybe the purple sparkly one,” she’ll direct me as I’m reaching for a beautiful hand-embroidered barrette. Purple sparkly one it is.
On her second birthday she tore her dress off as quickly as possible – no way was she keeping that thing on past our family photo op time. Now that we have an almost three year old (and she’s entered the threenager phase, big time) the advice to give your toddler some power and control by “offering her two options and letting her pick which one she wants to wear,” which worked well for a short time, has been abandoned. She knows all her clothing options, how to open her drawers and pull out her favourites, what exactly is in the laundry – and she’s not opposed to hauling it back out of the laundry basket to wear a beloved item again. Beyond selecting her own outfits, she’s also begun dressing herself, which is a blessing on one hand, but also results in frequent pants-on-backwards situations, or socks worn upside down and inside out. It doesn’t seem to bother her one bit.
This parenthood journey is teaching me a lot about letting go of expectations – had I, as a photographer mum, had visions of dressing my daughter in what I considered adorable outfits? Yes, absolutely. But do I also value raising an independent child with the autonomy to make her own decisions and to express herself? Yes. Have I also bought her a beautiful birthday dress for her upcoming third birthday? Yes. But if she doesn’t wear it, I won’t take offence. I trust she’ll come up with an outfit equally fashionable in her own eyes. Plus, her baby sister will be arriving in a few months, allowing me plenty of opportunity to play dress up again – unless a certain someone I know decides to take charge of those clothing drawers as well!
