Words sherrin griffin, VP, operations, Sidney Seniorcare
As we enter a brand new year, and the month of love, I’ve told myself that this will be my year for self-care.
As a recent primary caregiver for my Dad for the last two years of his life, constant concern about the toll on my Mother, and my younger years as a chronic workaholic and over achiever, there were always things to do and things to worry about. As a younger woman, I had the stamina and resilience to cope with the demands; however, being a “pleaser” and perfectionist, combined with an overly sensitive, extremely empathetic nature, was setting me up for the perfect storm later in life.
Hitting menopause at the textbook age of 52, I braced myself for the inevitable hot flashes and night sweats which my friends all seemed to be experiencing, and which, according to John Hopkins Medicine, 75 to 80% of all menopausal women go through. It seemed like I had dodged the proverbial bullet, and I was the envy of my peers. Unfortunately though, a less-spoken-about and perhaps more insidious menopausal symptom was waiting to make its presence known.
My first anxiety or panic attack came on like a freight train, seemingly unprovoked one summer morning with a horrible “unsettled” feeling taking hold, combined with a tightening in my chest, tingling in my face and hands and an overall sense that something REALLY bad was going to happen. Terrified that I was having a heart attack or stroke, I ended up in the hospital for eight hours while I silently felt like I was dying. Being told that I had an irrationale, unexplainable “panic attack,” for no reason it seemed, made me feel weak and vulnerable. Being sent home with no compassion, no answers and no solutions resulted in shame, fear and embarrassment, and set me up for a vicious cycle of relentless consequential “attacks.” It seemed like my own body was against me. I was afraid to drive, afraid to go to social events, afraid to go anywhere in case I would have another attack, and I lived my life in discomfort and fear for the next year.
Embarrassed to tell anyone what was really going on, and afraid I was losing my mind, I ended up finally in a walk-in clinic where a sympathetic young male doctor was the one to finally listen, and set me on the path to recovery with a mild prescription to help me sleep and settle down my overactive nervous system.
I realize now that in my case, I didn’t have the “typical” menopausal symptoms and so my anxiety was blamed on my excessive work schedule and stressful lifestyle. I realize now that years of self-abuse and lack of self-care set me up to fail when I reached my older years. As a chronic insomniac to begin with, the hormonal changes brought on by menopause led to drastically more sleep disturbances, inevitably affecting my mental health and coping mechanisms. Lacking the fortitude and resilience of my younger years, my body and mind could not withstand the stress.
At the time, I didn’t know that fluctuations in estrogen can contribute to anxiety because estrogen affects mood regulation and mental health. Or, that low levels of progesterone can cause sleep disturbances and disruption. If only I had had those conversations earlier on in my menopausal journey. If only I had advocated more for my own well-being, even in the face of being ridiculed, denigrated and not taken seriously … even by medical professionals. I lost my self-confidence and my voice.
Mental health still has a stigma, and that needs to change. What else needs to change is more education: education on health and wellness, education on taking care of your body including your mental and emotional well-being, and education on the various stages of life for both women and men.
And so, 2025 will be the year to nurture myself, and to accept that yes, I am aging, and with the aging process may come some unpleasant changes that may feel scary and overwhelming. But by having the self-respect, courage, education and supports in place to have those difficult conversations and advocate for ourselves as older women, without shame and without guilt, we can settle comfortably into our older skins and truly enjoy our golden years.
