As a parent of two kids life is a constant mixture of excitement and trepidation! Today I had a very hard realization. My mommy super powers, the tools I have used to banish monsters under the bed, prevent toddlers from painting their whole room with diaper cream, or using their head as a torpedo, are becoming much less powerful now that my kids are 12 and 14.
This summer was my daughter’s first week away from home at camp. On the drive up to Duncan the jeep was silent; Eva was deep in thought. As we approached Camp Qwanoes, she held my hand fast, squeezed it so hard, and in one moment her face showed a glimpse of anxiety and then one of elation. As much as I wanted her to experience the coming days, I couldn’t imagine a week without speaking to her, not even once? I stayed for an hour making sure everything was organized. I saw where she was sleeping, asked when they ate, stayed for her swim test and then it was time to go. I kissed and hugged her and breathed in her smell. My insides were a mess. My son Lucas was with me and said, “Mom, she will be ok”. “I know,” I said “I will miss her, is all.” I waited a few more minutes when she couldn’t see me, just to see how she engaged with her friends. She was happy, smiling; she was going to be just fine.
And now there will be time with my son, one on one. Time is so precious with a son at 14. We will make dinners together, watch movies, take long bike rides and snuggles moms can never get enough of. I really can’t imagine my kids growing past these ages. They are my absolute favourite. Not quite teens and still needing their mom.
As I look ahead though I realize that my super powers will meet their match. I’m learning there are some things a mother could never explain. Like why do grandfathers have to get older and move out of their house? Why do people we love get cancer and die? How is it possible that a person can go into a school or church and kill others? My trepidation starts. All I can do is listen and reassure them that they are safe.
My two kids are almost as tall as me. Lucas starts high school and Eva Grade 7. Each day they move a little further beyond my Mommy super powers’ reach and as I think about all that awaits them, a part of me wants to stop time. But today is the day it occurred to me that I have it all wrong. I am not losing my powers. I am giving them away. Sometimes willingly and lovingly, sometimes my kids have to wrestle them away. But the special powers were never mine to keep.
