– by Dianne Connerly –
Parents can forget that they are raising adults, not children. The goal is to equip kids with the skills and increasing responsibility for managing their lives without constant vigilance. One key life skill is the ability to navigate an abundant food environment while maintaining optimal health. Here are some things parents say that may have unintended consequences, and what to say instead:
1. You are such a good eater! Mealtime should be a pleasant time to connect with your children and eating should remain intrinsically driven to meet your child’s fuel need, NOT to earn praise. Instead, say: “You must have been really hungry!” Or: “I love spending time with you while we have dinner.”
2. You are such a picky eater! Children have some foods that they just don’t like. Some are highly taste and/or texture sensitive, but most will outgrow it. Picky eating becomes an entrenched behaviour when we berate, beg, bribe … or worse: feed kids only what they say they’ll eat. Instead, say: “I know you didn’t like it previously; tell me what you think about it now after having a bite.” Or: “I wonder if you like this big kid food yet?”
3. Clean your plate; there are starving children in ___. Avoid teaching children scarcity eating behaviours in our plentiful food environment. Instead, say: “It’s important to not be wasteful, so please only take as much as you think you need.”
4. You have to eat all your vegetables or no dessert. When you bribe children for eating certain foods, they quickly realize that those foods must be yucky and that dessert is the reward. Instead, say: “I love all kinds of different foods that make me healthy and strong and some that are just for fun. What kinds of foods do you like?”
5. Eat all your dinner or you don’t get dessert. This variation on the threat above translates to “you must overeat and I will reward you by giving you more to eat!” Instead, say: “Save room for dessert tonight!”
6. I am so gross and fat! Kids learn from adults even when we think they aren’t listening. Statements like this teach kids it’s okay to put yourself and others down and judge people for their weight or other physical attributes. Instead, say: “I’m not perfect, but I do my best to make healthy choices.” And whatever else you say, remember to say often: “I love you just the way you are.”
Dianne Connerly is with TOPS, a nonprofit, affordable weight loss support and wellness organization. For info visit www.tops.org.
