When is the last time that you saw a movie or heard a song about our most important love affair of all – the one with ourselves? Every second of the day we are brainwashed and inundated with songs, media messages and films about the desperate need to be loved by others. There are millions of sound bites, scripts and jingles blasting our psyches every day – telling us that without a lovers’ bond, we will die, wither away and live like miserable embittered human shells with no hope of nirvana. On an average day, we are force-fed thousands of media images of couples walking along moon swept beaches complete with the co-dependent hype that the only worthwhile life goal is that perfect relationship with our “soul mate.” Well, what about the most important relationship in our lives – with ourselves? Recently, I came across a book that isn’t afraid to shout out the value of self-love. The Bathroom Mirror is a cool minty breeze in the stifling heat of summer.
The one “love” that truly matters should be for that remarkable person in the mirror. Healthy self-love is the machine that keeps us going when “the going” stinks. Loving ourselves is the single most important factor in a good life, a happy successful existence and a positive future. That concrete core of virtual self-caring keeps us resilient amidst the rough tumbles of living, makes us bold and confident and gives us the incredible power to take life by the tail and make our dreams a reality.
Unfortunately, self-love has never been given its day in the sun and is highly undervalued in our society. After all, there is no money in it. Magazines, films, advertising firms and greeting card companies rake in billions from consumers searching for love and happiness in all the wrong places. There is a massive bottom line in fairy tales. Drug companies aren’t going to profit from people who find strength and love from the inside. They can peddle their wares more effectively to those looking to others to make them happy. As with most things in this flawed world: follow the money!
Craig Barton, a local author, has written a very wise little book with sage advice for everyone who struggles with self-esteem and life in general. The Bathroom Mirror – Encouraging Thoughts That Will Help You Move On With Your Life is full of ways to honour yourself and keep your head above water. There is an emerald river softly flowing through this book – every wave reveals a new gem that reminds us to value and love ourselves. This book is a keeper; I keep it in my purse as a survival guide. Craig’s vision is on the back cover: “It is my hope that after reading ‘The Bathroom Mirror’ you will come to appreciate just how valuable you are.” The writing is sometimes in bold huge letters to make a point, but the message is always the same: Treat ourselves with loving kindness. The author invites the reader to “make sure that you allow your heart to love the one it knows best. YOU.” He talks about the importance of forgiving ourselves, being soft on ourselves and in having faith in our own value and worth. Equally important, Craig encourages us to believe in our own self-perceptions, not the misleading judgements by others. The author very smartly exposes certain destructive ways of thinking: He makes an interesting point about not letting our negative experiences change the way we view ourselves. Our value did not lessen just because other people treated us as “less than.” Experiencing hard times and trauma did not change our intrinsic worth.
The title of the book came from Craig Barton’s own personal epiphany. After being unfairly harsh towards the image and the person in the mirror, he suddenly realized that any one of the 6,500 people who die every hour worldwide would be very happy to live again in his body (or any of ours). It all comes down to attitude: “We need to appreciate the gift that WE CALL ME.” In an email to me, Craig is passionate about his subject matter: “There is nothing more powerful than love. And nothing more empowering than to love one’s self. Self-love is about self-respect.”
Self-love has nothing to do with narcissism, arrogance or feeling superior to others. It is a healthy state of caring, respect and high regard for ourselves. By its very nature, self-love sets the template for how others treat us – anything less than the same esteem from others is unacceptable. Loving ourselves keeps us safe from danger and is our best survival mechanism. It is self-preserving and sometimes life-saving. In many ways, self-love is our best defense – like mental immunization.
In our rush to worship people who are self-depreciating and full of humble self-denial, we tend to forget that the people who have spread the most compassion and humanity in this world were first kind to themselves! The game changers who are healing this troubled world with loving humanitarian work and caring environmental stewardship are people who already valued themselves highly. It is impossible to love others without loving oneself first. Nothing happens in a void.
It is time for a paradigm shift. A healthy society is a community of healthy people who value themselves enough to work together for a better world. After all, when we put a high price on ourselves, we put a high price on this planet.
By Doreen Marion Gee
Contact: Craig Barton, email: TheBathroomMirror@shaw.ca, phone: 250.414.6632, web: www.TheBathroomMirror.Me, www.greatbighug.com.