Words Connie Dunwoody
My bestie is currently making her way from Mile Zero in Victoria to Halifax.
On a bicycle. Camping. On purpose. She’s not even doing it alone. She somehow persuaded her partner to go, too.
“Why?” I goggled.
“I don’t really know,” she replied. “It’s kind of a bucket list thing.”
A bucket list. You know, all the things you’re supposed to do before you die.
I conducted a highly scientific survey of several friends. The results were roughly split down the middle between those who have bucket lists and those who don’t. I fall firmly into the second camp.
I’ll tell you what kind of list I do have, though. It rhymes with “bucket” and contains all the things I no longer feel obliged to care about. Since this is a family magazine, let’s call it my Chuck it Bucket. Over the years I’ve tossed quite a few things into it.
Dusting, for one. If you’re visiting my home to evaluate my housekeeping skills, we’re probably not destined for a long friendship. I also release all my friends from dusting before I visit. “No one should ever suffer dusting on my account!” Some of them do it anyway. So do I, occasionally. I just don’t lose sleep over it.
Next into the bucket: perfect makeup. At this stage of life, if I remembered to brush my teeth and put on matching shoes, I’m already having a successful day. As Popeye wisely observed: “I yam what I yam.”
I’ve also chucked in anxiety about those sneaky “menopounds.” Do I wish they weren’t there? Sure. Would I like my metabolism to write me an apology letter? Absolutely. But this body still lets me ride my bike for hours, haul groceries, climb stairs, hug heartily, bake bread, and laugh so hard I snortle. It’s earned a little grace.
One of the biggest things in my Chuckit Bucket is regret. Of course there are things I’d do differently. We all have moments we’d happily edit out of the past. But my mistakes, detours, wrong turns and some spectacularly questionable decisions helped create the person I am today. And frankly, I quite like her.
So, what stays out of the Bucket?
Kindness. You never know what someone is carrying. A smile. A compliment. A moment of patience. Listening when someone needs to be heard. These things cost almost nothing and can change the trajectory of a person’s day.
Joy. The scent of a rose. A child’s giggle. Finding my mother’s recipe for Company Casserole after thinking it was lost forever. Time with family and friends. Fresh bread from the oven. A good bike ride. Loving people well and allowing myself to be loved in return.
Generosity stays out too. It’s not just about money, although that’s part of it. Time. Encouragement. Skills. Compassion. A willingness to help when help is needed. The older I get, the more I realize that generosity isn’t really about what you give away. It’s about how you choose to live.
And finally: curiosity. Keep asking questions. Keep learning. Stay interested. The day we decide we’ve got everything figured out is probably the day we start growing old.
So that’s what is – and isn’t – in my Chuckit Bucket.
My bestie has a bucket list. I have a bucket. Honestly, I think we’re both travelling toward the same destination – she’s just crossing Canada to get there. By the time you read this, she’ll probably be somewhere near the Manitoba-Ontario border, pedalling happily toward Halifax with her sweetheart, while I’m at home deciding whether dusting really needs to happen this week.
Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.
